Drink With Jerry

Bloody Mary

First day and I already cheated… I used a mix. (Boring excuse of how I’m out of town for the holidays and it would be too expensive to buy all the ingredients for just one drink, bla, bla ,bla… can’t take it with me on the plane home, bla,bla, bla…) I made two drinks, one drink following the directions on the Mr & Mrs T Spicy Bloody Mary Mix bottle and a second following “the book” but substituting tomato juice with the cocktail mix.

The results: Disappointed with both…  Disappointed is a relative term here (like flipping through the Victoria’s Secret catalog and saying “nah, I don’t like her squinty eyes…”) give me a bottle of mix and vodka and I’ll knock ’em back all day but I like my Bloody Mary’s to have a lot of kick in them.  The directions on the mix bottle (4oz of mix and 1 oz of vodka) was way too bland.  “The book” made it a better by adding worcestershire sauce, a little more lemon juice, Tabasco sauce, and some salt and pepper… these were doable.  But add some extra horseradish, a few olives (pour in some of the olive juice), cayenne pepper, celery salt… and a wee bit more vodka –  now we’re talking!

Jerry’s “stab you in the heart” Bloody Mary recipe (I like ’em spicy!)

• 4oz of tomato juice (Spicy V8)
• 1½ oz vodka
• horseradish
• olives w/ juice
• Worcestershire sauce
• celery salt
• lemon juice
• Tobasco sauce
• cayenne pepper
• black pepper
• salt

Pour it all over ice in a tall glass and mix it up with a big celery stick (make sure you throw the celery away so you don’t eat that $#!* by mistake!) cross your fingers and hope your heart can handle the shock as you knock that liquid devil back.

Best time to drink: If you’re mixing this drink up while still in bed, sunlight just starting to crack through the blinds and you can only manage to open one eye … then you’re doin’ it right!  This is a great wake-me-up drink and it’s got tomato juice so that makes it a healthy breakfast!

Drink Tip: The Bloody Mary is a very personal drink so it takes some practice to get it exactly the way you like it. I recommend finding a bar or restaurant with a Bloody Mary bar that has all the ingredients and lets you mix it up yourself.

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Red Hot Lover

Red Hot Lover… red hot is an understatement, I got enough alcohol here to fuel a rocket!  Here’s the issue with all the booze – who wants just one red hot lover when you can have two!  There’s a recipe for a Red Hot Lover in “the book” but I came across another recipe online that was completely different… so now it’s decision time… what to do… who what to choose?  Well, I decided to take a chance, introduce the two drinks to each other and see if I could arrange a little ménage à cocktail…

I bought all the ingredients for both versions of the drink, mixed ’em both up and had a little taste test with a few people who happened to be hanging around the house.

I poured the drinks into separate glasses and sent everyone off with one in each hand for a little alone time, give them a try and then report back which one they thought was the better Red Hot Lover… after just a couple minutes (I was done in less then 30 seconds) the results were in and with a vote of 2-1, Red Hot Lover #1 became the choice drink of the night!

Drink Tip: Just accept it for what it is and and don’t try to change her… er, I mean it… After trying both drinks myself (and voting for #1) I started feeling a little adventurous, thought I could make them better, that I could take the best traits from each, mix them together to make the perfect Red Hot Lover for myself!  Well, that didn’t go as planned…  I won’t go into all the graphic details but let’s just say strawberry mix can make a sticky mess…

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The Mummy

The Mummy – What’s the significance of drinking “The Mummy” today?  I’m not quiet sure… “the book” mentions something about King Tut but in my 12 seconds of in-depth, independent research on Wikipedia I couldn’t find anything to corroborate this story.  So instead of drinking to the curse of a mummy I decided to dedicate this drink to a different curse… the curse of the Bambino!  That’s right, on this day in 1920 the Boston Red Sox, the most successful baseball team at the time, sold Babe Ruth to the Yankees (insert “Yankees Suck” chant here) that began an 86 year curse that left Boston without another World Series win and the Yankees with more than I care to think about… Fortunately in 2004, good finally triumphed over evil in a historic Sox win over the Yankees after being down 0-3 in a best of seven game ALC series on their way to winning the World Series!  What has any of this to do with drinking “The Mummy?” I got no idea…

How to wrap your grubby paws around a Mummy of your own:

• 2 oz vodka
• 1 oz Triple Sec (or any orange flavored liqueur)
• 1 tbsp lemon juice
• club soda*
  *I’m not a fan of club soda so I recommend Sprite or
  add Mountain Dew to make it a MUMMY EXTREME!

Drink Tip: If you’re gonna embalm yourself with one of these… Sprite, 7-UP, or a little Mountain Dew makes this drink worth dying for!

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European

European – It’s the drink of the day but I’m headed in the opposite direction… flying from Boston to Los Angeles so I didn’t have time to mix it up myself but that’s why they invented airport bars, so busy travelers could fulfill their dream of drinking every day!  I looked up the recipe on my phone, showed it to the bartender and even though they were missing one of the ingredients she was able to mix up something close. She also had a pretty steep hand as she poured the drink, just two of ’em and my cheeks went numb… now that’s a good drink!

European
Since we modified it we’ll call this a “Boston European”

• 1 oz gin
• ½ oz cream sherry
• 1 oz vermouth
• 1 tsp Grand Marnier
• 1 maraschino cherry (add a little of the cherry juice)

Drink Tip: Be sure to make it a double… Shake it up, pour it over ice, knock it back and feel the tingle as your face goes numb! (and don’t miss your flight)

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Who's The Boss?

Who’s The Boss? … “the book” claims this drink is dedicated to the release of a Springsteen album but I’ve got my doubts… c’mon, a drink made with apple sour and lemonade?  Doesn’t sound like a drink for a rock legend, sounds more like something Tony would’ve mixed up for Angela.

Who’s The Boss

• 1 oz rum
• 2 oz sour apple liqueur
• 1 oz vodka
• 1 oz lemonade

Drink Tip: If you’re a male live-in housekeeper working for a woman with giant glasses and even bigger shoulder-pads, this drink is perfect, don’t change a thing… If you’re a rock star, go ahead and mix up this drink but just leave out the rum, sour apple, and lemonade… and don’t use a glass, drink strait from the bottle.

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Florida Special

Florida Special – This may be called the Florida Special but it’s not the Florida orange juice that make this drink special, it’s the maraschino liqueur… and why is that so special you ask?  Because it’s only made by one company and it only comes in a bottle one size and that one size bottle made by that one company costs $30! “But Jerry” you say, “Lot’s of bottles of alcohol cost $30 or more.”  Yeah, that’s what I was thinking when I bought it… but, when I got this $30 bottle home and went to make the drink I realised that the drink recipe only asks for ¼ oz… yup, one quarter of one ounce.  Now a bottle of rum may cost $30 but it’s used in a lot of drinks, so I scanned the index in the back of “the book” to see how many other drinks use maraschino liqueur… four… yup, four drinks that use a grand total of… drum-roll please… 1¼ ounces!  At least it comes in a cool looking bottle and I like the design of the label.

Florida Special

• 1½ oz gold rum
• ¼ oz Triple Sec
• ¼ oz maraschino liqueur
• ¾ oz orange juice

Drink Tip: I realize that I bitched about the cost of the drink and didn’t actually tell you how it tasted… well I ain’t gonna tell ya… If you want to know, stop by my place ‘cuz I’ve got enough maraschino liqueur for everyone!

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Dirty Dog

Dirty Dog – Today’s drink, according to “the book,” is in reference to the start of the 1999 impeachment trial of a certain cigar smoking ex-president … well, I say why stop there?  This is a tall 8½ oz drink and I’m sure there are many “Dirty Dogs” on this day in history that we can drink to and curse!

Mix up a Dirty Dog of your own:

• 1 oz cognac
• 1½ oz vodka
• 5 oz chilled orange juice
• 1 oz chilled cranberry juice

Let’s get started with the drinkin’ and cursin’:

• On this day in 1789 the first US presidentail election was held in which only white men who owned property were allowed to vote … *take a sip*… “You dirty dogs!”
• On this day in 1953 Harry Truman announced that the US had developed a hydrogen bomb… *take a sip*… “You dirty dog!”
• On this day in 1965 actor Nicolas Cage was born… *take a sip*… “You dirty dog!” (thats right, I went there!)
• On this day in 1972 the Los Angeles Lakers won their 33rd consecutive game (an NBA record)… *take a sip*... “You dirty dogs, Go Celtics!”
• On this day in 2005 Brad Pitt left Jennifer Aniston after four years of marriage… *take a sip*… “You dirty dog!” (Jen, still waiting for your call…)
• On this day in 2011 I had to pay my Time Warner cable bill – $262.98!… *pound the rest*… “You dirty dogs!”

Drink Tip: It’s a pretty tasty beverage so after you curse the dirty dogs listed above, mix yourself up another and drink to a “dirty dog” list of your own!

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